Self-love is on everyone’s lips. But what exactly does self-love mean? And what does self-love have to do with sex? Well, quite a lot!

The distorted body image of the media

We are collectively traumatized as a society when it comes to our bodies and sexuality. The social media, movies and also porn shape our idea of ​​a perfect body and of a “perfect” sexuality in a very subtle way. Most of the time, these two things also go hand in hand. We then almost exclusively see well-formed, trained bodies. Who does not know this scene from at least one feature film in which a man lies down on a woman and after three minutes they both have orgasm at the same time.

But does reality really look like this? If you’ve had sex before, you’ll know that sex rarely or never happens Hollywood-style. Few of us have bodies like those of women in magazines and catalogues, yet most of us have sex lives. So far so good.

Our sex life is often shaped by these unconscious ideas that the media convey to us day in and day out.

But our sex life is often shaped by these unconscious ideas that the media convey to us day in and day out. We unconsciously separate ourselves from our body through our media consumption. We perceive it as an object that can and should be continuously improved, and no longer as a part of us with which we have an emotional relationship.

The orgasm as the overriding goal of intimacy

Let’s look at the orgasm. Most people practice sex with the goal of achieving orgasm. Because the assumption behind it is: without orgasm the sex was not good / satisfying. We usually relate this assumption to our: n partners: in and not so much on ourselves. (And this is where self-love comes into play.)

Many women* want their partner to orgasm during intercourse so that they can get confirmation that the sex was good for him / her. This also gives us assurance that the other will stay with us. The reverse also applies to heterosexual men, because if the partner does not come, he has failed and his ego is cracked.

Many people then also like to go the “orgasm-pretending” path. The three most common reasons for this are:

• Pressure to have orgasm in order not to disappoint the partner (s)
• boredom
• Physical pain

If I really love myself and my body, then I will not endure boredom or physical pain during intercourse. I will: talk to my / my partner and ask him / her to take a break or stop.

My sexuality cannot be fulfilling at all if I constantly go beyond my own limits and cannot formulate my wishes and needs. Then I tend to fall back into a cycle of continuous traumatisation.

My sexuality cannot be fulfilling at all if I constantly go beyond my own limits and cannot formulate my wishes and needs.

To me, self-love literally means “to love yourself”. And physically. I can only tell my partner inside what I want in bed if I know what I like. When I’ve shed my body and been intimate with myself. Sexuality always begins with the self and not with the other.

What I advise my clients

This is one of the first pieces of advice I give my straight clients when sexuality with their partner is drowsy or unfulfilling: Get intimate with yourself. Start loving yourself. Find out what you like and give … read more

A belly full of cheese spaetzle is an excellent way of philosophizing about the subject of self-satisfaction – which I indulged in extensively before the aforementioned cheese spaetzle. But why do you talk about it so seldom and when, then only behind closed doors and with a flush of shame on your face, not revealing too many details?

At least that’s how I experience it: My internet bubble is full of self-confident, self-satisfied people who don’t mince words online and help me to shed more and more of my blush on this topic. Still, I hardly ever talk to friends about it. About sex? Once in a while. About solo sex? Very difficult.

I’m talking almost never with friends about it. About sex? Once in a while. About solo sex? Very difficult.

You may have mentioned something there, but how, where, what exactly you do when your wife lends a hand, remains hidden under the covers. In any case, a while ago I found myself extremely astonished and delighted when I found out that I am not standing (or lying) alone with my masturbation and that other women – in my immediate environment – do it themselves too.

Why don’t we talk openly about solo sex?

Why is this such a difficult subject? Why are you ashamed of it? Why can I talk to my best friend about how disappointing the last sex I had was but not how satisfying was the last orgasm I gave myself?

Why can I talk to my best friend about how disappointing the last sex I had was but not how satisfying was the last orgasm I gave myself?

I guess it’s just the way we grow up and get introduced to the subject. Sex education during my school days was accompanied on the one hand by constant giggling and embarrassment, on the other hand it just covered what was necessary.

According to the motto: If you already have to have sex, please with a condom – and now let’s talk about photosynthesis again (by the way, little or nothing stuck to either of these).

Although I was never told that masturbation was something bad or something that I should be explicitly ashamed of, I was just not advised to speak openly about it. It was just never discussed.

Although I was never told that masturbation was something bad or something that I should be explicitly ashamed of, I was just not advised to speak openly about it. It was just never discussed.

Perhaps this the conclusion was: Will already be somehow okay to do it, but talk about would I rather not – take any chances. Not that I come across as weird.

Solo sex for more self-love

In this case, I think now that it is probably the most normal thing in the world to touch themselves and this need also natural is always there and will be.

Furthermore, masturbation is a wonderful way to find oneself and not only helps us to find out what we like, but can also support us to perceive our body, to accept it, to learn to love, to come into contact with ourselves, ourselves Taking time for your own needs, surrendering yourself and feeling – what should you be ashamed of ?!

Masturbation is a wonderful way to find oneself and not only helps us to find out what we like, but can also support us to perceive, accept and learn to love our body.

Masturbation is self-empowerment and an expression of self-love.

Of … read more